That wonderful trail of coffee aroma that says 'come and get me!'
The broad grin on the little one's face that greets you first thing in the morning.
Looking at old photographs and reliving memories.
An unexpected nap at noon.
A phone call out of the blue, from an old long lost friend.
A simple home-cooked meal at the end of a stressful day.
Meeting green lights at all the traffic signals on your way to work.
The realisation when you wake up that it is still 3 am and you can go back to sleep again.
Finding the perfect pair of shoes/dress at the first stop during a shopping spree.
A Good-hair day amidst many bad ones.
Setting foot indoors the moment it starts pouring outside.
A quiet, uninterrupted conversation with R over dinner.
Hearing an old favourite song playing somewhere, one that you haven't heard in ages.
Being at the receiving end of the first kiss from your baby.
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
Tuesday, April 21, 2015
R is for Runaway Train
This is one of my most favourite songs but no, this post is not about that. This is the part 4 of the escapade series. You can find the earlier posts here.
With help from some others, the girls had found that Uncle Chot had actually put people all around town to keep an eye for Vee or any suspicious activities from her friends. They had to now tread with extreme caution. On the day before, they all prepped for D day carefully, packed their clothes and went to bed. The next day, the train was to reach their town at 7:55 PM and would leave from the station in 5 minutes at 8 PM.
Their plan was simple. Soo and Mee would get to the railway station first, look around for any dangers and then call the other two. When the coast was clear, Shee and Vee would come to the station and board the train, just in time before the train left. Also, Vee would cover her face with a scarf and make sure she would not be spotted before or after she boarded the train.
When D day dawned, their stomachs were in knots. They were nervous but extremely excited too.
They were determined to pull this through. In their young heads, they had to do this to make sure their friend was safe and happy. The previous night, Vee and Shee had made sure they had disconnected the phone at Shee's house so that Uncle Chot could not contact Shee's parents, at least immediately after they left. Mee and Soo had given specific instructions (with substantial bribery, of course) to their friends in their neighbours' houses not to call their parents if someone called asking for them. They had tried as much as possible to avoid getting into any trouble with their parents but they were sure they eventually would, and were ready to face the consequences. But for now, they had to be focussed on the task at hand.
At around 6 PM, they all bid farewell to their families and met up at Shee's place. They reviewed their plan one last time and then Soo and Mee set off. They were travelling with as little luggage as they could manage but girls being girls, they still had a lot. Soo and Mee went to the railway station at 7PM and true to suspicion, they found some of Vee's relatives at the platform where the train was supposed to come. They stayed out of sight and hoped Shee and Vee would be careful too.
At 7:45 PM, the train was announced. Mee and Soo went to the platform and still tried to stay out of sight. At one point, Vee's relatives actually saw Mee and recognised her. Now that there was no escape, Mee casually went up to them and said hello. She told them that her relatives were arriving from Mumbai and she was here to receive them. And then she asked them what they were doing here. They just mumbled something and then quickly left. And then the train arrived at the station. It was always a rush to board that train because the train stopped at this station only for a few minutes and a lot of people were waiting to board. Amidst that crowd, Soo and Mee were trying to get into the train as discretely as they could. They pushed their way in within a few moments. They found that the general compartment of the train was super crowded but they found a couple of seats and plonked themselves there. But now they were terribly anxious that Shee and Vee had not reached yet. In a few minutes, the train would leave and if they didn't turn up, Soo and Mee would be in Bangalore without anything to do. The four of them had not even discussed such a possibility.
These were the days before they had cell phones, so there was no way in which they could contact them. Soo and Mee panicked and found themselves looking out frantically for their friends. Then the train hooted, which was a sign that it would leave in the next minute or so. Their hearts were beating so hard, they thought they would explode. It looked like their friends wouldn't make it on time. But just when the train was about to move, they saw Vee and Shee running towards the train. Vee looked hilarious with a pair of dark sunglasses and a scarf around her face.They quickly boarded the train and all of them collectively burst out laughing. The train now started moving and slowly picked up speed. Soon, it was out of the station and chugging away. The girls heaved a sigh of relief. They had made it to the train and they were actually on their way to Bangalore.
On the train, they realised the general compartment was crazily crowded. Thankfully, Shaan had booked them on the ladies compartment. They couldn't have imagined travelling otherwise. But still, some rogue ladies had put all their luggage on the seats and hence there wasn't enough room for everyone. Now that the girls were out of their town, they did not have to hide or shy away. They were ready to take on anything and anybody. High on adrenaline, they started to pick a fight with anyone who'd mess with them. So also, the rogue ladies, who quickly put their stuff down and allowed the girls to sit down.
Now they were thinking about where they'd go once they reached Bangalore. Mee had a close friend there, who she was in touch with. She thought her friend would definitely help them out. She had assumed that they could go to her house and probably stay there. Mee had tried calling her place a few times but had not been able to reach her in the last couple of days. Mee thought that once they reached Bangalore, they could probably just show up at her friend's place. But they did not want to alarm Mee's friend or her parents, turning up with luggage and all. They finally decided that they would drop of their luggage at the cloak room and then go to Mee's friend's place after they reached Bangalore.
The train ride was fun and almost uneventful if you discount the little spats they had with the ladies around and the squabbles they had amongst themselves. But they had made a lot of noise, playing anthakshari, singing songs, giggling away and generally being themselves. They even could sleep a little that night in all kinds of wierd positions (there was no place to lie down!) and on each other's shoulders. When they woke up in the morning, the train was slowly edging towards Bangalore and they would be there soon. But little did they know of the surprise that waited for them. Nobody was prepared for what would meet them when they reached Bangalore!
....to be continued.
With help from some others, the girls had found that Uncle Chot had actually put people all around town to keep an eye for Vee or any suspicious activities from her friends. They had to now tread with extreme caution. On the day before, they all prepped for D day carefully, packed their clothes and went to bed. The next day, the train was to reach their town at 7:55 PM and would leave from the station in 5 minutes at 8 PM.
Their plan was simple. Soo and Mee would get to the railway station first, look around for any dangers and then call the other two. When the coast was clear, Shee and Vee would come to the station and board the train, just in time before the train left. Also, Vee would cover her face with a scarf and make sure she would not be spotted before or after she boarded the train.
When D day dawned, their stomachs were in knots. They were nervous but extremely excited too.
They were determined to pull this through. In their young heads, they had to do this to make sure their friend was safe and happy. The previous night, Vee and Shee had made sure they had disconnected the phone at Shee's house so that Uncle Chot could not contact Shee's parents, at least immediately after they left. Mee and Soo had given specific instructions (with substantial bribery, of course) to their friends in their neighbours' houses not to call their parents if someone called asking for them. They had tried as much as possible to avoid getting into any trouble with their parents but they were sure they eventually would, and were ready to face the consequences. But for now, they had to be focussed on the task at hand.
At around 6 PM, they all bid farewell to their families and met up at Shee's place. They reviewed their plan one last time and then Soo and Mee set off. They were travelling with as little luggage as they could manage but girls being girls, they still had a lot. Soo and Mee went to the railway station at 7PM and true to suspicion, they found some of Vee's relatives at the platform where the train was supposed to come. They stayed out of sight and hoped Shee and Vee would be careful too.
At 7:45 PM, the train was announced. Mee and Soo went to the platform and still tried to stay out of sight. At one point, Vee's relatives actually saw Mee and recognised her. Now that there was no escape, Mee casually went up to them and said hello. She told them that her relatives were arriving from Mumbai and she was here to receive them. And then she asked them what they were doing here. They just mumbled something and then quickly left. And then the train arrived at the station. It was always a rush to board that train because the train stopped at this station only for a few minutes and a lot of people were waiting to board. Amidst that crowd, Soo and Mee were trying to get into the train as discretely as they could. They pushed their way in within a few moments. They found that the general compartment of the train was super crowded but they found a couple of seats and plonked themselves there. But now they were terribly anxious that Shee and Vee had not reached yet. In a few minutes, the train would leave and if they didn't turn up, Soo and Mee would be in Bangalore without anything to do. The four of them had not even discussed such a possibility.
These were the days before they had cell phones, so there was no way in which they could contact them. Soo and Mee panicked and found themselves looking out frantically for their friends. Then the train hooted, which was a sign that it would leave in the next minute or so. Their hearts were beating so hard, they thought they would explode. It looked like their friends wouldn't make it on time. But just when the train was about to move, they saw Vee and Shee running towards the train. Vee looked hilarious with a pair of dark sunglasses and a scarf around her face.They quickly boarded the train and all of them collectively burst out laughing. The train now started moving and slowly picked up speed. Soon, it was out of the station and chugging away. The girls heaved a sigh of relief. They had made it to the train and they were actually on their way to Bangalore.
On the train, they realised the general compartment was crazily crowded. Thankfully, Shaan had booked them on the ladies compartment. They couldn't have imagined travelling otherwise. But still, some rogue ladies had put all their luggage on the seats and hence there wasn't enough room for everyone. Now that the girls were out of their town, they did not have to hide or shy away. They were ready to take on anything and anybody. High on adrenaline, they started to pick a fight with anyone who'd mess with them. So also, the rogue ladies, who quickly put their stuff down and allowed the girls to sit down.
Now they were thinking about where they'd go once they reached Bangalore. Mee had a close friend there, who she was in touch with. She thought her friend would definitely help them out. She had assumed that they could go to her house and probably stay there. Mee had tried calling her place a few times but had not been able to reach her in the last couple of days. Mee thought that once they reached Bangalore, they could probably just show up at her friend's place. But they did not want to alarm Mee's friend or her parents, turning up with luggage and all. They finally decided that they would drop of their luggage at the cloak room and then go to Mee's friend's place after they reached Bangalore.
The train ride was fun and almost uneventful if you discount the little spats they had with the ladies around and the squabbles they had amongst themselves. But they had made a lot of noise, playing anthakshari, singing songs, giggling away and generally being themselves. They even could sleep a little that night in all kinds of wierd positions (there was no place to lie down!) and on each other's shoulders. When they woke up in the morning, the train was slowly edging towards Bangalore and they would be there soon. But little did they know of the surprise that waited for them. Nobody was prepared for what would meet them when they reached Bangalore!
....to be continued.
Monday, April 20, 2015
Q is for Quality time
When I was a kid, the number of working moms was fewer than they are now. My mom, however, fell into that category. She used to work for a bank. I was really proud of her and would tell anybody who'd ask that she was superwoman, Yes, she had 4 kids and still went to work (and worked at home too). People would raise eyebrows and wowed. I never understood why. But I remember that Ma was always around. Even when I think really hard, I can't remember a time when she wasn't there for me when I needed her.
I remember, no matter how early I woke up, Ma was always up. I remember thinking that maybe she never went to sleep. But every morning, she would be so fresh. She would tend to each one of us and help us get ready for school. Our breakfast would be ready and she would pack our lunch boxes to take to school. Ma went to work from 9 to 5. But once she was back from work, she was all ours. She would play with us or help us study. She would immerse herself in making sure all her kids were happy. She would go with us to the playground (for as long as we wished for her to go with us). And even at home, I never ever remember her saying that she was busy or that she didn't have the time. She would just leave everything and play snake and ladders with us. Saturdays and Sundays were even more special. She took us to parks and on bus rides. Every little thing was special.
My dad was a workaholic. He never got home early. By the time he got home, most of the time we would either be sleepy or fast asleep already. I don't remember him playing a very active role either in our studies or in our playtime. But strangely, I never missed him. Because Ma was there and she was enough. Ma never asked for 'me-time'. I don't remember her going for any pampering sessions. Neither did she demand that dad be actively involved with the kids.
Today I look at how things have changed. I love spending time with Pickles,but I want my 'me-time' too. The time that I spend outside of work has so many demands. I want to cook, read, surf the net, watch movies, work out, go for a run, swim, spend time with my friends, with R, go shopping. Phew, the list is endless. So, there! I want to do more. I want some of my life just to myself. I am selfish. I am not happy, just being a mum.
One spare moment, and I am looking at my phone, reading a message or chatting. Or reading some article or book on my ipad. I remember that is how I spent most of my breastfeeding time when Pickles was little. I knew I shouldn't but I did it anyway. I still do that sometimes, when he has just fallen asleep, snuggling next to me. Maybe that is why the concept of 'quality-time' came into being. To make sure you had some non-electronic-gadget time. To actually stop multitasking and enjoy the moment, doing the most important thing, spending time and making memories with your baby. And it's not that I don't spend quality time with Pickles. I do. But I am not happy with that either. I always feel I am not doing enough.
Ma had a job, a busy workaholic husband, minimal help and 4 kids. Still, Ma was always happy and had a smile on her face and no complaints. I have a job, a very helpful partner, full-time help and one little kid, but you will still hear me complaining that I don't have enough time to do everything I want. The amount of time that she had and I do are similar but the problem, I realised is that I want to do more and more. I am never satisfied. Maybe I should slow down and do fewer things for now. I should probably pick the things I want to do carefully and put off the rest until Pickles grows up. Maybe that will make for more quality time with Pickles and a happier me!
I remember, no matter how early I woke up, Ma was always up. I remember thinking that maybe she never went to sleep. But every morning, she would be so fresh. She would tend to each one of us and help us get ready for school. Our breakfast would be ready and she would pack our lunch boxes to take to school. Ma went to work from 9 to 5. But once she was back from work, she was all ours. She would play with us or help us study. She would immerse herself in making sure all her kids were happy. She would go with us to the playground (for as long as we wished for her to go with us). And even at home, I never ever remember her saying that she was busy or that she didn't have the time. She would just leave everything and play snake and ladders with us. Saturdays and Sundays were even more special. She took us to parks and on bus rides. Every little thing was special.
My dad was a workaholic. He never got home early. By the time he got home, most of the time we would either be sleepy or fast asleep already. I don't remember him playing a very active role either in our studies or in our playtime. But strangely, I never missed him. Because Ma was there and she was enough. Ma never asked for 'me-time'. I don't remember her going for any pampering sessions. Neither did she demand that dad be actively involved with the kids.
Today I look at how things have changed. I love spending time with Pickles,but I want my 'me-time' too. The time that I spend outside of work has so many demands. I want to cook, read, surf the net, watch movies, work out, go for a run, swim, spend time with my friends, with R, go shopping. Phew, the list is endless. So, there! I want to do more. I want some of my life just to myself. I am selfish. I am not happy, just being a mum.
One spare moment, and I am looking at my phone, reading a message or chatting. Or reading some article or book on my ipad. I remember that is how I spent most of my breastfeeding time when Pickles was little. I knew I shouldn't but I did it anyway. I still do that sometimes, when he has just fallen asleep, snuggling next to me. Maybe that is why the concept of 'quality-time' came into being. To make sure you had some non-electronic-gadget time. To actually stop multitasking and enjoy the moment, doing the most important thing, spending time and making memories with your baby. And it's not that I don't spend quality time with Pickles. I do. But I am not happy with that either. I always feel I am not doing enough.
Ma had a job, a busy workaholic husband, minimal help and 4 kids. Still, Ma was always happy and had a smile on her face and no complaints. I have a job, a very helpful partner, full-time help and one little kid, but you will still hear me complaining that I don't have enough time to do everything I want. The amount of time that she had and I do are similar but the problem, I realised is that I want to do more and more. I am never satisfied. Maybe I should slow down and do fewer things for now. I should probably pick the things I want to do carefully and put off the rest until Pickles grows up. Maybe that will make for more quality time with Pickles and a happier me!
Saturday, April 18, 2015
P is for Paternal instincts
Becoming a mom was a big change for me but I guess mother nature had already prepped me for it. The instincts were there and stepping into motherhood was relatively easy and I think I was a mom the moment Pickles was born. Not that I had a choice. I had this baby and he had me and we slowly figured things out.
I can't imagine it must have been the same for R, well not biologically at least. I have watched him slowly step into fatherhood with gingerly toes. I have seen him undergo the different stages, confusion, denial, acceptance and the slow bonding with his newborn son. It was easier for me to handle him as soon as Pickles was handed to me. But for R, he was terribly paranoid at first as he had zero experience carrying babies of that age, or any age for that matter. Slowly but surely, he stepped up, he started to volunteer to carry the baby, burp him or rock him to sleep. In the days when the routine was feed, burp, change, sleep, rinse, lather and repeat, R started to participate more actively and slowly made up his own ways as he went along.
I remember very distinctly this incident that happened when Pickles was about a couple of months old. A close friend was having a birthday that day and R and I decided to go and have lunch with friends. We thought it would be a good change for the both of us. So, we left Pickles with my mum and set off for a couple of hours.
My friend's daughter Xena is our darling. We've all been friends a long time and Xena is comfortable around us. During our lunch that day, Xena kept hopping from lap to lap, taking the time to talk to each one of us. It was during this that she parked herself on R's lap. We continued to eat and at one point, we looked at R and burst into laughter. When he looked at us questioningly, one of us then told him, "R, Xena's a big girl now and doesn't really need to be burped."It was then that R realised he had been unconsciously patting Xena's back like he was burping her. After days and nights of doing just that, it had come to him naturally.
It was then that I started to notice this partner of mine in a different light. He has since then transformed into a Dad, and a great one at that! It just makes my heart melt to see him and Pickles bonding together. Maybe it is my hormones, maybe that is how nature meant it to be but it makes me more fond of him than I ever was.
I can't imagine it must have been the same for R, well not biologically at least. I have watched him slowly step into fatherhood with gingerly toes. I have seen him undergo the different stages, confusion, denial, acceptance and the slow bonding with his newborn son. It was easier for me to handle him as soon as Pickles was handed to me. But for R, he was terribly paranoid at first as he had zero experience carrying babies of that age, or any age for that matter. Slowly but surely, he stepped up, he started to volunteer to carry the baby, burp him or rock him to sleep. In the days when the routine was feed, burp, change, sleep, rinse, lather and repeat, R started to participate more actively and slowly made up his own ways as he went along.
I remember very distinctly this incident that happened when Pickles was about a couple of months old. A close friend was having a birthday that day and R and I decided to go and have lunch with friends. We thought it would be a good change for the both of us. So, we left Pickles with my mum and set off for a couple of hours.
My friend's daughter Xena is our darling. We've all been friends a long time and Xena is comfortable around us. During our lunch that day, Xena kept hopping from lap to lap, taking the time to talk to each one of us. It was during this that she parked herself on R's lap. We continued to eat and at one point, we looked at R and burst into laughter. When he looked at us questioningly, one of us then told him, "R, Xena's a big girl now and doesn't really need to be burped."It was then that R realised he had been unconsciously patting Xena's back like he was burping her. After days and nights of doing just that, it had come to him naturally.
It was then that I started to notice this partner of mine in a different light. He has since then transformed into a Dad, and a great one at that! It just makes my heart melt to see him and Pickles bonding together. Maybe it is my hormones, maybe that is how nature meant it to be but it makes me more fond of him than I ever was.
Friday, April 17, 2015
O is for Operation Runaway
This is the third in the series of the 'Escapades of the Jackdaws'. You can find the earlier parts here and here.
Part One of their plan was now successful. They had decided to go to take Vee to Bangalore. The girls now had to start thinking about putting the part two of their plan in action.
Uncle Chot was an influential man. The girls were sure that he would have planted people in the bus station and in the railway station to look for Vee. They had to make sure they could get her out without getting caught. From their town, they could either take the bus or train to Bangalore. Although quite a few buses went to Bangalore, the girls decided to take the one train that actually travelled from Mumbai to Bangalore but passed by their town and stopped there for exactly 3-5 minutes. Travelling by bus would mean standing at the bus station for long periods of time before the bus left, meaning there was a greater possibility that they would be discovered. Also, the bus could actually be stopped anywhere.They decided that there were lesser chances of getting caught on the train as long as they managed to board the train on time.
The girls now had to figure out:
1) how to get enough money for their tickets and stay in Bangalore?
2) what to tell their parents and whether to tell them or not?
To arrange for the money, they began to collect all they could from the money they had saved up. When they checked, they realised that they were short. By a lot! They started to collect all their old text books to sell. They even got the reluctant Mee to sell her older text books in the little second hand book store in the market. Even after all this, they had enough money only to buy one train ticket. They decided they needed to tell their parents something and get more money and at the same time, get permission to leave town, at least till they were found out!
Shee went and told her parents that Vee's brother was getting married in Bangalore. Vee went personally to Shee's parents to invite Shee. She told the trusting Shee's parents that she would love for Shee to come to her brother's wedding in Bangalore and they agreed. So, they now had money for Shee's ticket and a little more for her expenses. They made Soo tell her parents the same lie, and they agreed too! With that, they had money for Soo's tickets.
The problem with saying the same lie at Mee's place was that Mee's parents knew that Vee's brother was only a year older and hence could not be married so early. So, Mee told her parents that Vee's aunt was getting married. But it was a long process of crying and coaxing before Mee's dad agreed but he also agreed to send Mee off only for a couple of days. Now they had money for all their tickets and sightly a little more money to manage expenses for a couple of days or so. for more money, they badgered one of Soo's ardent admirers Shaan (a friend too!) to loan them some money. He was nice enough to loan them some money and also asked them to be careful.
Now, about buying the train tickets. If they were to reserve train tickets, they would have to give their names and this in turn meant that the names could be seen by anyone prior to them boarding the train. To solve this, they decided to get unreserved tickets i.e. tickets to the general compartment, which meant no dedicated seats. They thought this would be only a slight inconvenience. And because anyone of them would be easily spotted at the train station, they got Shaan to queue and buy the tickets for the four of them for the next day.
Now they had train tickets, money and were in high spirits. They just had to manage to get out of town unnoticed!
.....to be continued.
Part One of their plan was now successful. They had decided to go to take Vee to Bangalore. The girls now had to start thinking about putting the part two of their plan in action.
Uncle Chot was an influential man. The girls were sure that he would have planted people in the bus station and in the railway station to look for Vee. They had to make sure they could get her out without getting caught. From their town, they could either take the bus or train to Bangalore. Although quite a few buses went to Bangalore, the girls decided to take the one train that actually travelled from Mumbai to Bangalore but passed by their town and stopped there for exactly 3-5 minutes. Travelling by bus would mean standing at the bus station for long periods of time before the bus left, meaning there was a greater possibility that they would be discovered. Also, the bus could actually be stopped anywhere.They decided that there were lesser chances of getting caught on the train as long as they managed to board the train on time.
The girls now had to figure out:
1) how to get enough money for their tickets and stay in Bangalore?
2) what to tell their parents and whether to tell them or not?
To arrange for the money, they began to collect all they could from the money they had saved up. When they checked, they realised that they were short. By a lot! They started to collect all their old text books to sell. They even got the reluctant Mee to sell her older text books in the little second hand book store in the market. Even after all this, they had enough money only to buy one train ticket. They decided they needed to tell their parents something and get more money and at the same time, get permission to leave town, at least till they were found out!
Shee went and told her parents that Vee's brother was getting married in Bangalore. Vee went personally to Shee's parents to invite Shee. She told the trusting Shee's parents that she would love for Shee to come to her brother's wedding in Bangalore and they agreed. So, they now had money for Shee's ticket and a little more for her expenses. They made Soo tell her parents the same lie, and they agreed too! With that, they had money for Soo's tickets.
The problem with saying the same lie at Mee's place was that Mee's parents knew that Vee's brother was only a year older and hence could not be married so early. So, Mee told her parents that Vee's aunt was getting married. But it was a long process of crying and coaxing before Mee's dad agreed but he also agreed to send Mee off only for a couple of days. Now they had money for all their tickets and sightly a little more money to manage expenses for a couple of days or so. for more money, they badgered one of Soo's ardent admirers Shaan (a friend too!) to loan them some money. He was nice enough to loan them some money and also asked them to be careful.
Now, about buying the train tickets. If they were to reserve train tickets, they would have to give their names and this in turn meant that the names could be seen by anyone prior to them boarding the train. To solve this, they decided to get unreserved tickets i.e. tickets to the general compartment, which meant no dedicated seats. They thought this would be only a slight inconvenience. And because anyone of them would be easily spotted at the train station, they got Shaan to queue and buy the tickets for the four of them for the next day.
Now they had train tickets, money and were in high spirits. They just had to manage to get out of town unnoticed!
.....to be continued.
Thursday, April 16, 2015
N is for No
'No', sounds pretty simple, right. How hard can it be to say it?
Well, it turns out that for some people (like me), this can be pretty hard. It's not like I'm a yes-man and I can disagree. But I find it very hard to say no to other people.
If at work, someone asks me for help, I always oblige. But sometimes, I find that I am running around, stressed and doing things for some people when they are actually relaxing with a cup of coffee. It pisses me off no end, but I just try to be nice. When they ask, I think they really need help but at times, I feel I am being taken advantage of. I'm trying now to draw the line.
Take another instance, I can never say I can't make it to a party. Or worse, if someone invites themselves to our home, I still can't say no. Due to this, I find that our weekend schedules are always full, even if I want to spend some quiet time with my family. R always complains that I over plan our weekends, when the truth is it just gets planned. I almost have nothing to do with it. Except that sometimes, I want to say no but I can't.
It's not like I'm the nicest person around and neither do I want to be. But I don't want to change the way I am just because some people take advantage of it (some without even realising it). But if you think, I'm a pushover, well I'm not. I can stand up for myself when the need arises. But it all boils down to this simple thing, I can't say no. I try but the words just get stuck on my tongue and I just can't spit them out. I admire people who can say no without any guilt whatsoever, even at the cost of hurting the other person involved. But that's not me. Neither do I want to be that person. I'm just saying that I want to be able to say no when nobody stands to get hurt and that will maybe buy me some peace.
So, what's your take? Can you say no? How do you do it?
Well, it turns out that for some people (like me), this can be pretty hard. It's not like I'm a yes-man and I can disagree. But I find it very hard to say no to other people.
If at work, someone asks me for help, I always oblige. But sometimes, I find that I am running around, stressed and doing things for some people when they are actually relaxing with a cup of coffee. It pisses me off no end, but I just try to be nice. When they ask, I think they really need help but at times, I feel I am being taken advantage of. I'm trying now to draw the line.
Take another instance, I can never say I can't make it to a party. Or worse, if someone invites themselves to our home, I still can't say no. Due to this, I find that our weekend schedules are always full, even if I want to spend some quiet time with my family. R always complains that I over plan our weekends, when the truth is it just gets planned. I almost have nothing to do with it. Except that sometimes, I want to say no but I can't.
It's not like I'm the nicest person around and neither do I want to be. But I don't want to change the way I am just because some people take advantage of it (some without even realising it). But if you think, I'm a pushover, well I'm not. I can stand up for myself when the need arises. But it all boils down to this simple thing, I can't say no. I try but the words just get stuck on my tongue and I just can't spit them out. I admire people who can say no without any guilt whatsoever, even at the cost of hurting the other person involved. But that's not me. Neither do I want to be that person. I'm just saying that I want to be able to say no when nobody stands to get hurt and that will maybe buy me some peace.
So, what's your take? Can you say no? How do you do it?
Wednesday, April 15, 2015
M is for Motherhood
This was a no-brainer for me! M had to be for Motherhood. With this post, I've actually made it halfway through the challenge. How are you faring?
"Wait till you have a kid, and then you will know!", I've heard this enough number of times from my mum and several other mums too. I guess it is true, motherhood teaches you so many things, it's amazing! It's almost like with the title mum, you also get many other qualities imbibed into you, just by diffusion or something. Motherhood has changed me in so many ways that sometimes I wonder if I am still the same person at all. The list below is not exhaustive, just things I could think of over the top of my head:
Sleep
I have always been a person who needed a minimum of 8 hours a night. I could hardly function well without sleep. That is one of the first things that changed after motherhood. I can hardly remember a night since Pickles was born, where I even slept for 6 hours straight. Now I am amazed at how little sleep I can actually get by with.
Patience
Patience was initially a virtue that I was completely devoid of. I used to think R would be the one who's more patient with the kids and I would be the impatient parent. But I was wrong. I find myself being patient with Pickles for things that would have driven me crazy before he came along. Although I've always had a short fuse for a lot of things, with Pickles, I've actually surprised myself time and again. I can actually do the same thing a million times with him, sing the same songs, read the same books over and over, and generally handle him without losing it. I used to always wonder how Ma could be so patient. Now I think, it's probably due to the fact that she has four children, so she would have needed four times the amount of patience to handle us!
Multitasking
If I thought I was good at multitasking before, now I must be a super multi-tasker or something. My mind is constantly a whirr of things that need to be done. And I am always planning the next thing to do on my calendar even as I am finishing a task. Planning work in the lab has never been better. I try and get as much done in as little time as I can, just so I can be home in time for Pickles! No more working late nights or weekends for me. Making shopping lists, grocery shopping, planning meals and everything else happens like clockwork. Calls to friends and family are only during travel time and that is the only time I have to talk/message.
Extra energy?
As I mentioned above, all that multitasking ensures that I get so many things done! Sometimes, I find it amazing that I have energy left even when I am overwhelmed with fatigue. I can actually get up from bed to do that one little chore that I had forgotten about (a thought that was laughable at one time!). And to top it all, I can wake up in the middle of the night to pump breastmilk if need be. My current mantra is, 'what doesn't kill you, actually makes you stronger'.
Paranoia
I am bothered by things that never bothered me earlier. I am scared about a lot of things, like climate change! I worry about what kind of a world I've brought Pickles into. I find myself crinkling up my nose at smokers, especially if they're smoking around Pickles. I refuse to get associated with people, who I think will be a bad influence on him.
I want to be a better person
This is one of the best changes that motherhood has brought about. I am constantly trying to be a better person now, because I want to teach Pickles to do the right things. I figure that if I don't follow what I preach, how can I expect him to take me seriously? Whether it is the silliest of habits like washing hands or important practises like being polite, I have to do it right, so that I can give Pickles something to look up to, something to follow.
More appreciation for my own Mother
I've always loved Ma a lot, and I respect her a great deal. But after I stepped into motherhood, I have a newfound respect for her. When I sometimes complain that it is difficult to manage with a job and one kid, I wonder how she managed singlehandedly four kids and a full-time job with little or almost no help from my dad! And she did an amazing job with all of us. I can't remember even one instance when I needed her and she wasn't there for me, even now!
It just gets me thinking that she set the bar too high. If I can manage to be half the mother that Ma is, I will consider that I have done justice to my role as a mother.
"Wait till you have a kid, and then you will know!", I've heard this enough number of times from my mum and several other mums too. I guess it is true, motherhood teaches you so many things, it's amazing! It's almost like with the title mum, you also get many other qualities imbibed into you, just by diffusion or something. Motherhood has changed me in so many ways that sometimes I wonder if I am still the same person at all. The list below is not exhaustive, just things I could think of over the top of my head:
Sleep
I have always been a person who needed a minimum of 8 hours a night. I could hardly function well without sleep. That is one of the first things that changed after motherhood. I can hardly remember a night since Pickles was born, where I even slept for 6 hours straight. Now I am amazed at how little sleep I can actually get by with.
Patience
Patience was initially a virtue that I was completely devoid of. I used to think R would be the one who's more patient with the kids and I would be the impatient parent. But I was wrong. I find myself being patient with Pickles for things that would have driven me crazy before he came along. Although I've always had a short fuse for a lot of things, with Pickles, I've actually surprised myself time and again. I can actually do the same thing a million times with him, sing the same songs, read the same books over and over, and generally handle him without losing it. I used to always wonder how Ma could be so patient. Now I think, it's probably due to the fact that she has four children, so she would have needed four times the amount of patience to handle us!
Multitasking
If I thought I was good at multitasking before, now I must be a super multi-tasker or something. My mind is constantly a whirr of things that need to be done. And I am always planning the next thing to do on my calendar even as I am finishing a task. Planning work in the lab has never been better. I try and get as much done in as little time as I can, just so I can be home in time for Pickles! No more working late nights or weekends for me. Making shopping lists, grocery shopping, planning meals and everything else happens like clockwork. Calls to friends and family are only during travel time and that is the only time I have to talk/message.
Extra energy?
As I mentioned above, all that multitasking ensures that I get so many things done! Sometimes, I find it amazing that I have energy left even when I am overwhelmed with fatigue. I can actually get up from bed to do that one little chore that I had forgotten about (a thought that was laughable at one time!). And to top it all, I can wake up in the middle of the night to pump breastmilk if need be. My current mantra is, 'what doesn't kill you, actually makes you stronger'.
Paranoia
I am bothered by things that never bothered me earlier. I am scared about a lot of things, like climate change! I worry about what kind of a world I've brought Pickles into. I find myself crinkling up my nose at smokers, especially if they're smoking around Pickles. I refuse to get associated with people, who I think will be a bad influence on him.
I want to be a better person
This is one of the best changes that motherhood has brought about. I am constantly trying to be a better person now, because I want to teach Pickles to do the right things. I figure that if I don't follow what I preach, how can I expect him to take me seriously? Whether it is the silliest of habits like washing hands or important practises like being polite, I have to do it right, so that I can give Pickles something to look up to, something to follow.
More appreciation for my own Mother
I've always loved Ma a lot, and I respect her a great deal. But after I stepped into motherhood, I have a newfound respect for her. When I sometimes complain that it is difficult to manage with a job and one kid, I wonder how she managed singlehandedly four kids and a full-time job with little or almost no help from my dad! And she did an amazing job with all of us. I can't remember even one instance when I needed her and she wasn't there for me, even now!
It just gets me thinking that she set the bar too high. If I can manage to be half the mother that Ma is, I will consider that I have done justice to my role as a mother.
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